Web of emotions

It's hard to discern what emotion you are experiencing when you have so many different things going on at once.  So many emotions are happening, they cancel each other out.  And then its like, which one makes me sad? Which one makes me happy? Which one am I scared of?  Why am I angry? Do I have this glimmering feeling of hope because of this thought that just crossed my mind or that one?  Which way am I supposed to go?  

I'm sure writing about it would help, but I just don't want to.  I'm too tired from wearing all of these feelings everyday and trying to keep up with school and giving my last burst of energy to my kids to keep them happy and on a good track.  Cause when I'm happy and excited, they are.  ANd when I am tired and angry, they act out.  Not an impossible task, it just takes a lot!  But I wouldn't trade it for the WORLD. 

I love my kids.  I love to hug them and tickle them and give them projects and see how proud they are when they finish and how each one of them is so different and can do the same project that turns out in such different ways.  I love to be there for them when they have exciting news like "all star student of the week," or a good report card, or a new sibling, or just to hear how excited they are to go home and have family pizza night.  I wish I could have them for more time, and give them more and help them to get out of their situation.  Or at least inspire them to try harder.  I fear for many of them when they leave us, who is going to push them to do their homework every night?  And even if they have that, how many of their parents/grandparents/guardians are going to make them do it over until they have put their best effort into it?  And how often will they be told they are important and can do anything they want and give them the support to reach those goals?

Well, there's one thing that is on my mind, I guess I've gotten that one sorted out!  Only a thousand more to go.