Uhhh... what just happened?

Sometimes, things happen that you never in your whole life expected to see.

And sometimes, you find yourself in a crisis, unsure of what to do, and wishing you could contribute more, but scared of what might happen.

And then you turn to other people for comfort. And you look to them to listen to you and to just be there.  You don't expect them to fix anything, but you expect them to understand you are upset, even if they don't get why.  It is then that you discover how much the people around you care.  Even the ones you don't know very well that show up at your house to listen, or to distract you from your thoughts.  

This weekend, some crazy stuff went down.  Like, I can't even begin to explain.  I can't remember the last time I felt so drained in every sense of the word.  I felt myself spiraling farther and farther into my emotions and letting them takeover and could hear myself saying things I didn't really want to say, but probably needed to.  

And lucky for me, I have some of THE most wonderful people in my life.  People that can listen to me and understand that I just need to say things.  And one person that can take the blunt of my frustrations and understand that the majority of what I said was out of emotion and stress and not sleeping.

Not that it changed the way things turned out, but maybe its for the best.

For the moment at least.  We'll see how things go in the future.  

I'm grateful for everyone in my life, and I'm especially grateful to the strength of my roommate.

Sarah's tips on getting warm when your house is so cold the windows get foggy on the outside

1.  Take showers that are so hot you sweat so when you have to get out and face the arctic cold, it feels good.

2.  Carry a blanket and slippers with you always.

3.  Tuck your blankets in around you while you sleep so no heat can escape.  Hope you brushed your teeth, cause a lot of that hot air is comin from your mouth.

4.  While drying your hair, turn the dryer to "high" and "hot" and put it under your shirt for a few seconds.

5.  Put all of your clothes in the dryer on high heat for 20 minutes before putting them on.

6. Use a heating pad to warm up spots on your bed before you get in.  This also works if you have pets that like to sleep on your bed.  Make them move and crawl into the warm spot they've left you.  Roommates can do it too.

7.  Think warm thoughts.  (I don't know if this actually works more than just makes you want to be there.  But give it a try anyway)

8.  Wear many layers.

9. Leave the house and find somewhere warmer to hang out. 

10.  Turn the heat on and deal with the utility bill being a little higher.  At least you'll live to pay it.

Little by Little

As I was walking home from my one class today (biggest waste of time ever... ) I spotted the mishies out doing their thing and they saw me too.  Elder Baird immediately asked "Are you as cold as I am?!?" haha.  Silly.  They decided it would be a good time to come teach a lesson to me.  They say they are trying to teach more members to get feedback on how to be better teachers.  Sounds like a solid idea, unfortunately, I am not that good at giving feedback.

However!  I was able to bear my testimony as they asked me about my process of joining the church and my experience with prayer.  It was something I needed to do.  I really don't bear my testimony often, and being able to do that today felt so good.  Honestly, I didn't even realize I was doing it until they said "You have a strong a testimony, you should share it more often." And I thought to myself, Yeah, I do.  I just don't ever think of it that way.  I look at other people that have these overwhelming connections to the Spirit and wonder why I don't have that.  What today helped me to see is that I do.  Having a testimony isn't about big signs and life changing moments.  It's something small and inside that you have to stay in touch with and recognize.  And to completely contradict what I just said- it is life changing.  How many changes have I made in my life because of my faith and testimony and trusting in my Heavenly Father?  

I am so grateful for this happening today. It is exactly what I needed right when I needed it.  I've been feeling unfocused lately, and all I needed was this small, 20 minute conversation with some missionaries that couldn't bare to be out in the cold anymore. :)

I know I live a blessed life, and little by little I am learning to recognize and appreciate each part of it.

25 things

I got tagged on facebook like  eighty times for this so I will try to come up with 25 things.

1. Hugs are like, the most important form of affection.  

2.  If you see me singing my lungs out in my car, there is a 98% chance it is disney music.

3. I'm super afraid of failure.  It's hard for me to try new things because of this, and hard for me to imagine myself as a professional.  I'm scared to graduate and fail at my job.

4.  I am also afraid of rejection.  That is why I don't talk to new people, too scared it won't work.  For this reason, I rarely make the 'first move' in a relationship. First date or six months down the road.  99% chance I won't do anything until the other person does. 

5.  I've taken three years of spanish at the college level and can understand most of what I hear if I listen really hard.  But I can't speak it on command.  Kinda goes with the failure thing.  I can carry a conversation with myself in my head forever though.  

6.  Because of all the spanish, my spelling has gotten worse.  Anywhere there are supposed to be double letters, it takes me a few times to figure it out.  That doesn't exist in spanish. (Most spanish... and if there are doubles, it is pronounced different)

7.  I HATE mouth noises.  Like chewing, sipping, slurping... yeah.  Some people are quiet eaters, and others are not.  And the sound of them chewing and hearing their mouth moving makes my skin crawl.  I actually feel like there are bugs inside my ears... and I can't hear anything else.  I have to leave the room, or find something louder to do, or else I get really angry. It's one of the few things that makes me consistently angry, and it is something I know they don't have control over.  

8.  Oh, I may be borderline autistic.  The whole, unsocial, auditory issues... yeah.  Not enough to actually be autism, but enough for people to make comments.  Including my mother.

9.  I love to drive barefoot.

10.  I like to be barefoot in general.  But I don't do it as much in richmond.

11.  I haven't danced in three years.  I miss it so much.  Giving it up completely may be the only thing I truly regret in my life.

12.  I like to keep just a few people close to me.  I don't feel the need to be surrounded by lots of people, I'd rather be in intimate settings.

13.  I kinda expect a lot out of my romantic relationships.  And whatever caliber you set it up with, you best not ever go below that line.

14. I'm not high maintenance, I just need a lot of attention and encouragement.

15.  I love to get dressed up and wear a dress and heels and do my hair and my make-up and look fabulous, but I also like to hang out in a pair of basketball shorts and and t-shirt and flip flops.

16.  On rainy days, I like to stay in bed and dream.  watch movies and cuddle up close to someone warm.  That is one requirement for my future husband- be willing to give me a rainy day movie marathon.

17.  I like to make the gifts I give.  Whether that be buying a lot of things and putting them together to make some kind of a basket, or creating something new- I feel like it is more personal and I am more proud of it.

18.  I get really nervous when I give people things.  Or when people look at my work.  Goes along with the fear of rejection.  I'm getting better though.  I close my eyes and wait.  Very rarely will people be cruel and say anything mean about stuff to your face.

19.  I'm not very good at keeping in touch with people.  I'm lucky to have a family and amazing friends that don't hold it against me and always welcome me back with open arms and smiles.

20.  I've fallen in love with Virginia, but I miss the green and wet of Washington. 

21.  I want a winter wedding and a big family.  That's as far as I've gotten in my planning of that part of my life and I am ok with that.  I think people that have huge intricate plans for life will be let down more easily.  I don't think I have low standards, I think I have reasonable goals.  

22.  Looks really aren't that important to me.  Except for my own. Lucky for me, I consider myself blessed with good looks.

23.  I love the smells of lemons.

24.  I still shop in the juniors section because I don't think women's clothes fit me right. Especially pants/skirts.  I always feel like the oldest person in the section.  I'm only 22 though.

25.  I admire children and their ability to find joy in simple things.  I model my life after them.

Spring break- first half

Ok, so I have passed the halfway mark for my spring break and I haven't done much of anything, but that is totally fine with me.  I don't really mind it all, really.  I have however, read two books!  Oh yes, I have been a reading fool.  First, Under the Rose by Diana Peterfreund, then Rite of Spring (Break) also by Diana Peterfreund.  These are the next two books in the series following Secret Society Girl.  Pretty much had me hooked and couldn't stop reading.  

Got my fix of 

scandal since

 Gossip Girl and 

One Tree Hill haven't been on. 

 

AND 

Grey's. 

 Where has my television gone? 

Anywho,  Yes, that is over now.

I have also been working, or fighting, whatever you choose to call it.  My kids are so antsy all the stinkin time!  Lol.  Today was nice weather though so I took them outside and let them run.  Actually, we all had pretty much the same idea.  LET THEM RUN!!  I know we are supposed to like, give them organized activity and all, but they need to just run and do what they want.  They get organized activity all day.  

I have a group of kindergarteners that are EXTREMELY ticklish, and love to be tickled.  So we were having a grand ol' time with that when one of the more, how should I say this, affectionate boys said he could see my underwear... lol.  Well, considering I was being tackled from all sides I figured it was possible, but when I checked my shirt it was still tucked in in the back so I said "Nah-uh!" to which he told me he could see my blue underwear.  I figured he just assumed my shirt was my underwear... or something, they are the same color today.  That is until I caught him taking a peek up my shorts... SO he could see my underwear.  Grand.  I am always having to keep an eye on that one.  Still in that 'curious about the body' phase and not afraid to show it.  

So that was the excitement of my day.  And my break.  Now, I will find my way to the kitchen so I may eat some delicious food. YUMYUM!

Rules of locking the front door:

Doors have locks on them for a reason, to keep unwanted intruders out.  We use them to keep our valuables, and our lives, safe. So please, follow these simple rules for locking the door:

1) If you are the last person leaving the house, lock the door behind you.  No one is there should an intruder decide to test the door out

2) If you leave much earlier than anyone else is awake, lock the door. Because honestly, I don't want to wake up and find some homeless dude on my couch.

2a) If the only person left in the house is in the shower, lock the door. The last thing we need is a visitor while we are trying to get ready for the day.

2b)  If you leave after lights have been turned off and everyone has gone to bed, lock the door behind you.  Again, I don't want any strangers waking me up. Ew.

3) Do not use your roommates keys to lock the door and then take them with you.  They cannot leave the house without them. 

3a) Do not use your roommate's keys to lock the door and then LEAVE THEM IN THE LOCK.  Uhhh, what is the point in locking the door and then leaving the key in it? That's inviting someone to come in. Or steal a car.

4) If you have decided it is safe to leave without locking the door, then please pull the door shut behind you.  Cause if I walk down there one more time to find the door open cause you are to ignorant to use your brain, Imma slap some sense into you.

That is all.  Is it really that hard?  Is it really too much of me to ask you to use your brain? 

Maybe so. Maybe I should print up this list and post it.

Transition to Spring Break

Today was the last day of classes before break, and lets just say I was not too happy about having to actually go to class on this day of beautiful weather.  I mean, 1) it's friday and 2) its time for break already! and 3) friday classes are BORING.  

I went to my spanish class only because we were supposed to trade back papers we had corrected and I didn't want my partner to be without her paper over break when she could be revising it.  Well, she didn't show. Haha.  Apparently she has more faith than me in our teacher's flexibility of due dates.  I'm not upset though. So, no worries on that.  We played 20 questions for the whole period, which while good practice for the language, was not really worth getting out of bed for. 

Then there was my joke of a science class.  I could have sworn yesterday he said "and this is what we'll talk about tomorrow" but apparently that was code for "enjoy your break early."  But there were about 10 of us that couldn't decipher his secret message and showed up anyway to him saying "NO! You weren't supposed to come today!"  So, yeah.  Kinda a worthless day as far as classes go.  

Then work, was work.  I adore my kids. Mostly.  And it was absolutely gorgeous out so i took them outside to play.  I was SHOCKED when we got out there and the entire blacktop area was gone and replaced with trailer classrooms.  I knew they were building some more, but right on the playground?  Are they going to completely take out the playground?  Cause they are pretty close.  Is that why I don't see the kids outside anymore when I drive in?  Are the getting rid of recess?!?!?!!  Maybe this is why they are always so hyped up.  Bad enough they all have to sit in school all day with nothing but a 30 minute recess right after lunch, but taking it away completely? I certainly hope not.  

It was pretty crazy though.

My night ended with pancakes and NCIS.  It was a wonderful end to an otherwise disappointing day.  Good company and good times.  Yes.

I will leave it on that note!

HAPPY SPRING BREAK ALL!

SNOW DAY!!

Can you believe it?  It snowed for real in Richmond, and classes were cancelled.  Despite this, I still felt it necessary to wake up at 7 and check, just in case.  Maybe because I dreamt it all melted and I had to go to school anyway.  But lucky for me, it was all a dream because when I looked out my window this is what I saw:

Which of course led me running to Amber's room to jump on her bed and wake her up to tell her it was no doubt a snow day.  Officially, VCU was still open at this point (my teachers all e-mailed and said class was canceled, so I was lucky for that earlier notice) and Amber was angry that I would dare to wake her before it was time.  She needed her rest for class after all.  I was determined to make her get up and look at what was undoubtedly a snow day.  This is the view from her window:

 Standing on my porch

  Our beautiful yard is a winter wonderland. Notice the tracks on the side from the dog... she apparently was as excited for the as the rest of us.  Who would have known?  I don't even think she's seen snow before.

The front of my house.  

That door really stands out when everything is blanketed in snow!

The side of my house. All pretty and white.

Also notice my car covered in snow. Yikes!

Sarah and Amber are happy for a Snow day!

Suma is happy for playing in the snow.  She is just camera shy, that's why she looks like she isn't enjoying it.  Before we pulled the cameras out she was running and rolling in it.  

I don't know if you can tell, but she has snow on her face in this one.  It is partly from me trying to get her to catch snowballs, which she bit at!  She tried, but then she just stuck her face in the snow, sniffing around for something. Probably trying to figure out where her usual smells are.

Since there is no school today and I am all caught up on my homework, my project is this:

Yup, gonna clean my room today.  It's a mess, I know.  Don't look for too long.  

This is what it looks like now:

Much better, No?

I know it still looks cluttered a bit, but notice I don't have a closet so I have to keep all my hanging up clothes on that rack... So it just looks like a closet would.  Except better, at least in my memory.  Closets are a place where you shove things in precariously and shut the door.

Anyhow, that made for a long day.  That and these pictures not wanting to go where I wanted them to!

I get tomorrow off of work to, but not school.  So I have to walk in the cold and wet slush to my one class tomorrow, unless I get an early morning e-mail telling me otherwise.  Here's hoping for that!

Time- just one thing I need to better manage

I'm not very good at managing time.  I spend a lot of it thinking "well, I can play for just a little longer, then still get it done" While true, and usually successful, it is a lot more stressful.  If I would remember to work first play second, I think life would fall into place a little easier. 

Yes, I'm sure it would