That stupid bus finally hit me.

Well, that was fun. PSYCH!  Let's just throw it back a couple decades huh?

Alright, so, since I had such a wonderful day yesterday (PSYCH) I have been inspired to blog everyday for the next week ONLY about the things I am thankful for.  I am 22 years old... so I will pick 22 things each day.  Goin mom style here. In the end I should have well over 100 things I am grateful for.

I started doing this in my prayers about a month ago.  I went for about a week, maybe a little longer, where I only gave thanks.  I just, wasn't feeling my best self and wasn't feeling like I should be asking for anything or complaining, so I put forth my best effort to show gratitude.  And now, I shall share it with the world! Mwahahahaaa!

Keep in mind, 22 different things each day is a challenge.  I will be getting very creative, and specific.  Please, bare with me.

The new Friday night (my reading list updated, or, what I do instead of homework and going out on Friday nights)

I started a new book.  I finished all the reading I had to do for my literature class to date, so I took some time to do my own reading.  Since the newest book in the Ivy League series hasn't come out yet (I'm waiting for you Tap & Gown!) And I hadn't yet made it to Barne's & Noble to pick up the next book in the Blue Blood series I found in the teen section (don't make that face.  Reading is reading.) I started a book I picked up from the non-fiction section.  I was looking for a book for Amber about President Lincoln ( I was still stressing abut her birthday gift because I couldn't for the life of me remember any of things she had not so subtly be hinting at for the past month except for a teapot.  Which I later remembered to be perfume.  Don't ask how I got that so mixed up. I have no idea.) This one was on the shelf above all the Lincoln books and was all shiny with the fancy lettering and everything.  I picked it up and read the introduction, and was hooked.  I brought it home and left it in my car (cause I am too lazy to take things out... I still have luggage in there from december) and was able to pick it up when we were house hunting and had a little time on our hands between appointments.  Bitter is the New Black (Confessions of a condescending, egomaniacal, self-centered Smart-ass, or why you should never carry a Prada Bag to the unemployment office). It's a memoir about a successful woman that gets laid off shortly after 9/11 and has to deal with not having the financial security to shop and pamper herself all the time as she has become accustomed to doing.  And she uses sarcasm at every opportunity.  Including footnotes for further smack-talk.  I LOVE it. Because I appreciate good sarcasm and well-earned verbal beatings.  

By the time I had read about twenty pages I knew I was going to be needing all the rest of the books in her series of memoirs.  I am coming for you next!  All of you!

I picked up the rest of my teenvamp stories... just to complete the series.  Gotta do it.  I was horrified to find that while the first two are available in paperback only, the third is in hardback.  What?! What is wrong with you Barnes&Noble!  I come to you to complete a set, but you can't even make them match? I am so disappointed. But I bought them anyway. And will read them.  They are at the top of my list.  As long as they are finished by July so I can read Tap & Gown!

It's like... watching the bus run you over

You know that feeling you get before you have an emotional breakdown?  You can feel it coming, but its not quite there yet.  Your eyes are all tingly, your chest gets tight and you feel it coming on. But then it doesn't.  I think maybe the waiting part is the worst part.  The longer you wait the more you know it's going to hurt when it finally comes.  

A wise- or maybe not so much wise as clever.  And maybe not so much clever as... something else. I dunno- person said to me:

It's like when I'm playing basketball.  I can see the basketball coming towards my head, and I know its going to hurt when it hits my head, but I can't stop it and I can't move out of the way.  I just have to wait and watch as time slows until it hits me.  And then it hurts.

So close!

Woopwoop! Guess who gets to move again!  We were so close to having a move free summer, and then... dun dun dunnnnn ... events transpired. 

What is a summer without moving anyway?  I mean, really, its all about starting over right?  Might as well get all the moving bugs out of my system before I graduate, cause I mean, really, I can't just up and move every summer when I enter the real world, now can I?

Best start packing up the things I don't need at the moment, get them ready for their big day!

Web of emotions

It's hard to discern what emotion you are experiencing when you have so many different things going on at once.  So many emotions are happening, they cancel each other out.  And then its like, which one makes me sad? Which one makes me happy? Which one am I scared of?  Why am I angry? Do I have this glimmering feeling of hope because of this thought that just crossed my mind or that one?  Which way am I supposed to go?  

I'm sure writing about it would help, but I just don't want to.  I'm too tired from wearing all of these feelings everyday and trying to keep up with school and giving my last burst of energy to my kids to keep them happy and on a good track.  Cause when I'm happy and excited, they are.  ANd when I am tired and angry, they act out.  Not an impossible task, it just takes a lot!  But I wouldn't trade it for the WORLD. 

I love my kids.  I love to hug them and tickle them and give them projects and see how proud they are when they finish and how each one of them is so different and can do the same project that turns out in such different ways.  I love to be there for them when they have exciting news like "all star student of the week," or a good report card, or a new sibling, or just to hear how excited they are to go home and have family pizza night.  I wish I could have them for more time, and give them more and help them to get out of their situation.  Or at least inspire them to try harder.  I fear for many of them when they leave us, who is going to push them to do their homework every night?  And even if they have that, how many of their parents/grandparents/guardians are going to make them do it over until they have put their best effort into it?  And how often will they be told they are important and can do anything they want and give them the support to reach those goals?

Well, there's one thing that is on my mind, I guess I've gotten that one sorted out!  Only a thousand more to go.

Uhhh... what just happened?

Sometimes, things happen that you never in your whole life expected to see.

And sometimes, you find yourself in a crisis, unsure of what to do, and wishing you could contribute more, but scared of what might happen.

And then you turn to other people for comfort. And you look to them to listen to you and to just be there.  You don't expect them to fix anything, but you expect them to understand you are upset, even if they don't get why.  It is then that you discover how much the people around you care.  Even the ones you don't know very well that show up at your house to listen, or to distract you from your thoughts.  

This weekend, some crazy stuff went down.  Like, I can't even begin to explain.  I can't remember the last time I felt so drained in every sense of the word.  I felt myself spiraling farther and farther into my emotions and letting them takeover and could hear myself saying things I didn't really want to say, but probably needed to.  

And lucky for me, I have some of THE most wonderful people in my life.  People that can listen to me and understand that I just need to say things.  And one person that can take the blunt of my frustrations and understand that the majority of what I said was out of emotion and stress and not sleeping.

Not that it changed the way things turned out, but maybe its for the best.

For the moment at least.  We'll see how things go in the future.  

I'm grateful for everyone in my life, and I'm especially grateful to the strength of my roommate.

Sarah's tips on getting warm when your house is so cold the windows get foggy on the outside

1.  Take showers that are so hot you sweat so when you have to get out and face the arctic cold, it feels good.

2.  Carry a blanket and slippers with you always.

3.  Tuck your blankets in around you while you sleep so no heat can escape.  Hope you brushed your teeth, cause a lot of that hot air is comin from your mouth.

4.  While drying your hair, turn the dryer to "high" and "hot" and put it under your shirt for a few seconds.

5.  Put all of your clothes in the dryer on high heat for 20 minutes before putting them on.

6. Use a heating pad to warm up spots on your bed before you get in.  This also works if you have pets that like to sleep on your bed.  Make them move and crawl into the warm spot they've left you.  Roommates can do it too.

7.  Think warm thoughts.  (I don't know if this actually works more than just makes you want to be there.  But give it a try anyway)

8.  Wear many layers.

9. Leave the house and find somewhere warmer to hang out. 

10.  Turn the heat on and deal with the utility bill being a little higher.  At least you'll live to pay it.